Mental warfare, false dawns and fresh beginnings

Nobody said chasing your dreams was going to be easy. If it was, I imagine the world would be a much better, much happier place.

Hello, I’m back.

My twitter bio reads “Slack blogger” – instagram too (gym wanker selfies and cat photos galore) – so I’m well aware I’ve not been very good at this. I’ve devoted all my energies into trying to get myself a foothold. I left my job at the end of March and the fact I hadn’t finished a script, nor really got properly motoring with a project, had been weighing heavier and heavier on my shoulders.

I don’t give myself an easy ride. I never have. It’s all pressure, pressure, pressure. It’s all high standards, high standards, high standards. It’s why I know that leaving my job to chase these screenwriting dreams is going to work. No matter the doubts, no matter the pressure, nothing has dulled that fire within.

Though there have been one or two moments where I’ve wondered what the hell I’m doing, but the answer is: I’m doing what makes me happy. I’m doing what I need to do.

But it’s not been an easy four months.

I’ve been trying to find a good rhythm of freelance work and writing, only to be blighted by a surgical procedure on my tongue – that hurt way, way, way more than I expected – along with a recent family bereavement which properly sucks. My papa sadly passed away a week ago and though I’m happy he’s at peace, I’ll miss his sense of humour, seeing him in his workshop and just sitting and having a chat. But, he taught me things which I’ll take with me as I carry on. He taught me to keep confounding the odds. He taught me to face life with sense of humour and a smile. And, more than anything, he taught me to keep embracing my creativity.

Which is why I’m excited to announce I’m prepping my first ever true story – the story that is how my nan and papa met. More soon but I’m reading through memoirs, making notes and let’s say learning things…

That’s one of several footholds I have.

Another is The Forgotten Children. A book I wrote years ago, one I’m now revisiting, one I spent weeks trying to write as a TV show, followed by weeks of indecisiveness, followed by weeks of writing it as a movie, followed by the revelation it does actually work better as a TV show after all. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the life of a writer. It’s bloody annoying. However, with 80 odd pages in the bag I have a TV pilot there after a quick rejig and redraft.

I HAVE A FINISHED SCRIPT! BOOYAH! (Never saying that again).

Another foothold I have is Midnight Knocking. A series now on its third name – and its best name – which is on Twitter, @MidnightKnocks if you’d like to follow. Again, more soon, but I will be doing some cool things there. I have some interesting ideas. Will they work? No clue. Am I going to do them? Absolutely.

So, that’s three projects in development. Plus there’s three more just out of the ideas oven, ready to be buttered.

I have light at the end of the tunnel. You know that scene at the end of The Last Jedi (a hell of a film by the way, nobody will convince me otherwise)? It’s when The Resistance find themselves at the end of the tunnel in Crait only to find their escape route blocked by rocks. But, Rey (NOT A MARY SUE) uses the force to clear them? That’s where I am, right now, stood in front of a veritable wall of rocks which are slowly beginning to shift.

I can feel the light on my face. The fresh air on my skin.

Nothing’s stopping me. We’re in the second half of 2018 and shit is about to go down. We’ve had false dawns before, I’ve had the mental warfare but now – and I’ve actually been on a roll the last week or so, so this isn’t me talking shit – I have myself a fresh beginning.


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